So yesterday my bf and i finally watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I had wanted to see it in the theater but my bf has a hard time sitting still for a regular length movie - so i figured i'd see it via netflix. So he finally got it and we made time to watch it yesterday. I have to say this was probably the saddest movie i have seen in a long time.
I could NOT stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks about 3/4 of the way through. And every time i thought i had pulled it together - nope, here they come again. I'm not much of a "cry in front of you" person. And i definitely haven't cried in situations other than a sad movie with my bf. I just don't like to cry in front of people. That's something i do in private people.
So i was in serious pain trying to keep myself from an all out sobfest yesterday. You know that feeling where you are flexing every muscle in your face and somehow your throat too to keep from crying outloud? It was weird - sometimes i think when i see a sad movie and i let myself get involved emotionally - it just opens up the floodgates for me. And all of a sudden i'm crying about all the sad things that have ever happened to me or MIGHT happen to me in the future. lol
After the movie was over, i looked over at my guy and just said "that was the saddest movie ever" and he looked semi teary eyed too. And he gave me a hug and for whatever reason that made fresh tears happen. And he was like trying to comfort me and tell me that i shouldn't worry and we would "grow old together and not age in opposite ways" which was funny but instead of laughing it made me think about how terrible it must be to lose the person you love. Your significant other.
And of course, that made me cry more. And he, in response, probably was thinking i'm crazy. I did pull it together finally after he left to get me a tissue. I couldn't believe how sad that movie mad me.
I guess i just really identified on some weird level with it because for the first time in my life i have "the real deal" in the significant other category and have something to lose. Not that i haven't dated other people, but I just have never felt this overwhelming sense of sadness at the thought of them not being in my life forever. I mean - we all think we feel that way with first loves and dumb loves (as i like to label them). But this time, the feeling was different. And even though it hurt my heart (eyes and throat, too from refusing to sob outloud) - it makes me happy that i finally have someone that has the ability to make me feel that way.
It's just like one of the residents, Mrs. Maple says to Benjamin's: "Benjamin, we're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?"
Obviously, I don't want to ever lose anyone i love - but i'm really happy to say I already have an idea of how important a lot of the people in my life are. And that awareness makes me very blessed.
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