Strange how there is no "I" or "Me" in Change

Change is hard. That's a pretty basic statement, I think. But when you get down to the knitty gritty of it - its not that ALL change is hard. Sometimes, change is easy - like when the summer schedule at work is over and I get to sleep in an extra 45 minutes.

THAT kind of change is easy.

Some changes are so gradual that you barely notice them. You just wake up one day and realize somewhere along the line you started drinking 1% milk instead of 2%.

Other changes are annoying. Like trying to change your habits of not going to the gym and wanting to literally be on the couch watching all your favorite reality tv shows eating chips and salsa into going to the gym and catching your shows when you can and NOT eating chips and salsa hardly ever.

The change i'm experiencing now is a bit different from those. As i'm continously working to benchmark other programs for the work i do - i find myself drifting back to past employers and evaluating the situation there. Because it was easy there in a lot of ways, and while what i did was important and probably looked really good to most outsiders, i see now that compared to what i'm facing now in my role makes my last job seem like a county fair compared to disney world.

But as i go back to what i know, to review it and analyze it with a different perspective - with the question of "did how i do it back then have any relevance for how i could create it now?" And it seems like everytime i look to find the answer to that question, another piece if what i built has changed. I'm not saying its changed in a bad way or a good way. I don't know - I'm not there and I don't know how it works better or worse, etc.

It seems weird, but no matter how much we struggle to follow the idea of "working to live" - I often think its quite the opposite in my career area. It seems that you have to pour so much of yourself into your work that now when i go back and look at what used to be reflective of my work and my thoughts and my ideas - its no longer mine. And i have this non-sensical moment of wanting to proclaim (loudly and yet to no one in particular) "Wait!!! Stop un-doing the good i did!"

And then i realize that things change and I don't have any right to pass judgement on things i'm not involved in anymore. And i feel badly for even allowing myself for a moment to feel like someone out there wasn't capable of having a better idea than i had.

You know -programs change. Forms change, processes change - and ultimately it's often the people change that creates the other ripples of change. And honestly, I chose to change roles and the ripples of change that are causing me a little sadness today are basically ripples from a rock I threw.

So yes, change is hard. Change is frustrating. Change can make you feel erased and forgotten. But I keep reminding myself that with every change comes a chance. And that's the ledge i have to find.

Seriously? I'm Trying to Save You

Well i have about 10 minutes before I'm taking a lunch break. Apparently that means that i can't interrupt my "lunch at my desk time" with "blogging at my desk time."

You heard me.

So this week has been busy. I work at a university in the career center. So we had two career fairs this week. I just started my role here back in the summer - so all our events are a first for me. I've actually never went/worked at a school that hosted their very own career fair - so it was pretty exciting to see all the employers and students come out.

I spent all last week hosting events to help student prepare for the fair. Its amazing to me that most students (okay - people in general) have very little common sense when it comes to the whole networking, interviewing, writing a resume, meeting employers gig. But that's okay - that's why i have a job i guess. If everyone already knew what to do, my position would be irrelevant.

So anyway, apparently last year (remember, i wasn't here to make everything perfect and amazing ;P ) employers complained about lack of professional dress. So this year we made it very clear to students through all our prep events and all of our marketing that it was professional attire only. No jeans, ball caps, tennis shoes, etc. We even made signs on the entrances TO the fair that said "Professional Attire Required."

I personally think its ridiculous we have to even do this in the first place. Who comes to a professional career fair to meet with employers in jeans or tennis shoes? But - they do. Somehow it became my job to play the heavy and keep those scoundrel students out who didn't know how to dress.

I am actually a pretty nice person, although i have my moments of mean i suppose. So this was not my favorite job. But looking back, it was actually pretty funny. One guy in particular.

He arrives when there are only about 15 minutes left in the career fair. I wasn't manning the check in table (because who comes 15 minutes before employers leaves?) so when i happened to turn around our intern was making huge eyes at me and whipping her head to the left to draw my attention to this student who was totally clueless.

When i looked over at him - I just couldn't believe it. So much that when i approached him (he was at the check in table for the career fair) my first question was:

Are you here for the career fair?

(I mean surely - he is lost right?)

His response: "Uh - yah."

I really wanted to respond: "Are you sure?"

But in my best "i am not trying to be a bitch" voice I said, "Well, our career fair requires professional attire this year."

He just looks at me like i have three heads and then replies "uh, okay. I just came from PE class."

Okay i should stop the scene here to give you a visual. He was wearing gym shorts, sneakers, double layer tshirts with a wind breaker type jacket over it.

I look at him and say: "Okay - but our fair is still requiring professional attire, no matter where you just came from. There's only about 15 minutes left for the fair anyway so you should hurry and change into something more professional if you want to come inside."

Imagine an awkward silence.

"Uh. I just came from PE class."

(okay i get that. You smell like you just came from PE class.)

My actual response: "Right."

Another one of those silences.

"Well - what am i supposed to wear?"

(umm...a tie! a suit! a collared shirt! a polo with khakis! business pants and a nice top!)

My actual response: "Well - a tie! a suit! a collared shirt! a polo with khakis! business pants and a nice top! Something professional."

Him: "Well I just came from PE class and didn't have time to change."

Okay, now i'm getting aggravated. It's bad enough that i'm having to point out that you look totally in appropriate for a career fair.

Me: "Look around. Do you see anyone else wearing PE clothes? This is a professional event and all of our marketing including the signs on the doors you just came through point out that you need to be dressed professionally."

Him: "Ummm..well. Uh..."

Now i'm feeling a little bad, even though it isn't my fault he can't read the signs or understand the words coming from my mouth.

Me: Honestly, I am not trying to single you out. I've turned several students away today for not dressing appropriately. I am trying to do you a favor. If I let you walk into this fair right now as you are - you are going to be making a bad impression. I am trying to save you from that."

Him: "Uh - well can you go get me brochures?"

He has officially pushed me over my limit.

Me: "No - that really isn't my job. If you have a friend that is already at the fair, perhaps they will go in and get information for you."

And i just had to leave it at that. Im sure my intern who had been witnessing this entire conversation was giggling madly underneath a napkin or something at this point. I was just like wide eyed with disbelief.

After the employers had finished up and were packing up for our lunch - my intern comes and points out that Mr. Fashion had returned wearing wrinkled khakis that were about 3 inches too short, some sort of top and was munching on an apple as he walked around the empty tables trying to talk to a few of the scrambling employers.

All that effort - and he still ends up screwing everything up. Some people just need to rely on online applications.