I wonder...

I'm in a good place in my life right now. For whatever reason, whenever I go to the dentist, i take time to recount the last 6 months of my life since I follow the guideline of going once every 6 months for a check up. So whenever i go to the dentist, i think about where i was in my life last time i was there....and when I leave the dentist i think about what may be going on in my life upon my next visit (April 30, 2012).

So today as I was in the chair getting lectured about how i should floss more regularly (I know, i KNOW!) I started thinking about how 2 visits ago, it was the week of my wedding. And i remember thinking during that visit...by the time i come back, I'll be married. When I made my appointment for this time around I was thinking...wow, when i come back - I will have already celebrated my 1 year anniversary.

So today, I went and thought about what has happened in my life since my last visit and what may happen between now and April 2012. It's funny how 6 months seems so far away and full of possibility, but it feels like just yesterday I was at the dentist reminding the hygienist that my teeth are sensitive and to not put cold water directly on them (I prefer the spray my tongue and i'll swish it method, personally).

I wonder - what will I be doing? I will probably be knee dip in internship paperwork, wrapping up my internship class, finalizing another years worth of reports at work. Making summer plans. I will have already gone on my late anniversary trip to Mexico with my husband. I will be preparing myself for turning 31. Will other things be going on in my life?

And for some reason, all these thoughts about the future made me think of a past that is so far back that I don't know how i still remember the details. It should just be a distant memory with nothing real to hang on to...and I'm so beyond the point of wanting my life to be different, but you ever have just one of those totally unanswered questions in your life? And no matter how happy you are, how good things are going - you just can't help but want an answer?

That's sort of what happens to me every time I let my mind wander too far into the past. And it's dumb, and i get irritated at myself and think it really doesn't matter. Because honestly, knowing an answer wouldn't make me want to change anything in my life now. It would just put to rest some very ancient ghosts that like to sneak up on me every now and again. And that WOULD be nice. *sigh*

On a semi-unrelated note....

I annoy myself sometimes with my crazy internal goings-on. We did this MBTI training thing at work recently...and I'm VERY interested in this stuff...personality type, etc. and how it impacts how you perceive others, make decisions, etc. And i'm starting to realize (or maybe just starting to accept) that I am an Introvert vs. Extrovert. I was forced (okay probably more self imposed) to be an extrovert and i've learned it so well that I've even tricked myself.

But when i go through these phases of such internal thoughts and processing - I realize more and more that maybe i am an Introvert...and even though it sounds like a nasty word, maybe it's not such a bad thing.

And just the fact that i'm journal-ing about these thoughts instead of just talking to someone about them....just reaffirms all this. The MBTI trainer said that we are born with our MBTI type...and it's really just more of us getting to a place where we are clear on who we are. Sort of a "you can run but you can't hide" thing. I'm starting to be open to this idea that maybe I am more in line with the introvert way of doing things. Maybe i do it already and everyone else knows, and I'm just now getting the memo. It's hard learning something new about yourself late in the game. But I guess it just goes to show that life is a journey and figuring yourself out is just part of the process.

Here's to more happy thoughts at the dentist and self reflection!