Despite not feeling super inspired to blog all the time, i'm still trying to force my creative hand.
I was thinking about how i used to write pages upon pages every day. I'm sure if i dug into that old worn cardboard box that is taped shut (for good reason) i'd probably be overwhelmed by the teenage angst that seeps from the pages. It used to help me so much to write everything out - and sometimes i feel like i used up all those creative juices early on and have been kind of running on empty since college.
I just started another good book - one that has potential to turn me on to a new author, which is something that doesn't happen very often. As i read books like this, it makes me miss writing. Makes me miss the act of entertaining someone with thoughtful or funny stories. And i feel inspired for like 10 seconds and usually that isn't enough time to get my slower than a snail computer to turn on in order for me to type while i'm still feeling that energy running through my blood.
I know - I should just take a journal with me and that way i always have it nearby to write in. Technology does stifle us sometimes i guess. But i've gotten out of the habit of writing with pen and paper. I probably type about 5 times as fast as i can write - so it just seems to take so long to write it down (literally).
And after typing that - i feel pretty lazy. lol
Either way - few of us strike gold upon first efforts and I keep on telling myself that if i just keep on plugging away, it'll come back to me. I gotta believe...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
1991
A moment to breathe inside this craziness. Friday marks the move in of a new year of college students. This morning in our presidents opening address he told us non-mathematicians that this years college class were born in 1991. I remember 1991 very vividly. I would have just turned 11. I have a memory of walking into my parents bedroom and sitting on the bed and watching tv and wondering to myself what the next school year would be like. I had just moved the previous spring into a new school system in the middle of my 4th grade year. I hadn't been super successful at making friends and was determined to read books during all my spare time so i wouldn't have to feel lonely for my old school, old friends and the comfort of the familiar.
But summer time brought a new haircut (finally, my mother relinquished control over my hairstyles so i could DISCONTINUE the mullet), new clothes, a fresh tan (i actually tanned when i was younger) and a brand new pink and purple pencil box. 5th grade turned out to be awesome. I usually refer to it as the year i decided i would be funny. It worked.
So in the year i was coming into my own personality, taking control over some aspects of my appearance or at least starting to care about it - these freshman were just being born.
Working at a university keeps people young - at least that is what a lot of people tell me. I can see how, because no matter what years you remember vividly it's vital that you know what's going on RIGHT now in the worlds of 17-22 year olds. And you have no choice but to sing along to that new Black Eyed Peas song or tweet and use all consonants letters to send messages to others.
In the past, the time gap between when i was born and the incoming class didn't impact me much. But 1991 - that's a clear memory for me in terms of what was going on in my mind at that point in my life. The details are a bit more hazy beyond that. So it's stuck out to me this time around. Makes me feel a bit older and leaves me wondering if i'm any wiser for the extra decade that separates us, or if that's all just in my head.
As the new year starts, i'm thinking about how i'll remember this moment that made me feel a spark of maturity in my life after the next 10 years. What will i have figured out by then? Or will i still be singing songs to pop radio and blogging about trivial things?
But summer time brought a new haircut (finally, my mother relinquished control over my hairstyles so i could DISCONTINUE the mullet), new clothes, a fresh tan (i actually tanned when i was younger) and a brand new pink and purple pencil box. 5th grade turned out to be awesome. I usually refer to it as the year i decided i would be funny. It worked.
So in the year i was coming into my own personality, taking control over some aspects of my appearance or at least starting to care about it - these freshman were just being born.
Working at a university keeps people young - at least that is what a lot of people tell me. I can see how, because no matter what years you remember vividly it's vital that you know what's going on RIGHT now in the worlds of 17-22 year olds. And you have no choice but to sing along to that new Black Eyed Peas song or tweet and use all consonants letters to send messages to others.
In the past, the time gap between when i was born and the incoming class didn't impact me much. But 1991 - that's a clear memory for me in terms of what was going on in my mind at that point in my life. The details are a bit more hazy beyond that. So it's stuck out to me this time around. Makes me feel a bit older and leaves me wondering if i'm any wiser for the extra decade that separates us, or if that's all just in my head.
As the new year starts, i'm thinking about how i'll remember this moment that made me feel a spark of maturity in my life after the next 10 years. What will i have figured out by then? Or will i still be singing songs to pop radio and blogging about trivial things?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
A lot about changing lately....
Okay. I've not been very good about blogging lately. I'm trying to get away from that old saying that the best writing comes from the tormented. But honestly, it's hard to write consistently (at least for me) during times in my life where i'm feeling content. But on the other hand - i don't want to look back on my blog life and just see chapter upon chapter of sad and depressed. Because that's not really what my life is like. I just tend to document the bad stuff. Which is really quite sad.
Because i've been thinking a lot lately about happiness. And the future. And how in just one short year, my whole life has been flipped upsidedown and for once - i made the right decision for myself. I always joke that i'm right about 99% of the time (which is for the most part true ;) ) But ultimately, we've all made some bad decisions. Which i guess *sigh* means that i was probably wrong some of the time.
Either way - my point is that sometimes making those really gut wrenching this will change the direction my life is going choices is really the best medicine for someone in between a rock and a hard place. I mean - you got there by sort of wedging yourself in, perhaps trying to find some comfort in that weird spot. But the only way out is probably going to be a bit painful, it might leave some bruises or scratches. It might even leave a scar.
But being in the open - with no rock and no hard place in sight, it's like magic. A gulp of really fresh air when you've been indoors too long.
I've been reading a few friends blogs, and of course, talking to friends over the phone, the internet or in person. It seems like everyone is always talking about changing - it happening, it not happening, our refusal to let it happen (it will happen anyway).
Change is neccessary. Seasons change. There is day and night. There are clouds on some days and bright sunshine the next. There is a high tide, a low tide, and sometime no tide at all. The undertow sweeps one person away and is gone immediately. All around us - change is happening, and most of the time that change around us is actually TO us. Or in some peoples opinion - AT us. Like an attack.
It's unnatural to not change. I mean they have how many tv shows about people who are stuck in the past that need to be updated because they just look crazy dressing that way? Change is good. It keeps us moving, keeps us from growing stagnant in our lives, in our thoughts.
And even though its painful sometimes, change is the cure. On the other side of a really painful change - i have no choice but to be an advocate for change. Because it's brought me a new beginning and happiness that i didnt even know existed before.
So what if i had refused to change? If i allowed myself to stay wedged between that rock and hard place - waiting for it to just start feeling better instead of doing something about my situation? I would not be here. Literally. I would not be sitting at this computer writing this blog to you. Because i'd still be there - in that chair in a different city being miserable about several different situations in my life.
We have to open ourselves up to the danger of change. Let it consume us, let it reveal itself to us over time without us shoving it forward on our own paths or at our own speed.
It's like a train that you have to jump on - wind in your face, off to a new place. Or else you get left behind.
Because i've been thinking a lot lately about happiness. And the future. And how in just one short year, my whole life has been flipped upsidedown and for once - i made the right decision for myself. I always joke that i'm right about 99% of the time (which is for the most part true ;) ) But ultimately, we've all made some bad decisions. Which i guess *sigh* means that i was probably wrong some of the time.
Either way - my point is that sometimes making those really gut wrenching this will change the direction my life is going choices is really the best medicine for someone in between a rock and a hard place. I mean - you got there by sort of wedging yourself in, perhaps trying to find some comfort in that weird spot. But the only way out is probably going to be a bit painful, it might leave some bruises or scratches. It might even leave a scar.
But being in the open - with no rock and no hard place in sight, it's like magic. A gulp of really fresh air when you've been indoors too long.
I've been reading a few friends blogs, and of course, talking to friends over the phone, the internet or in person. It seems like everyone is always talking about changing - it happening, it not happening, our refusal to let it happen (it will happen anyway).
Change is neccessary. Seasons change. There is day and night. There are clouds on some days and bright sunshine the next. There is a high tide, a low tide, and sometime no tide at all. The undertow sweeps one person away and is gone immediately. All around us - change is happening, and most of the time that change around us is actually TO us. Or in some peoples opinion - AT us. Like an attack.
It's unnatural to not change. I mean they have how many tv shows about people who are stuck in the past that need to be updated because they just look crazy dressing that way? Change is good. It keeps us moving, keeps us from growing stagnant in our lives, in our thoughts.
And even though its painful sometimes, change is the cure. On the other side of a really painful change - i have no choice but to be an advocate for change. Because it's brought me a new beginning and happiness that i didnt even know existed before.
So what if i had refused to change? If i allowed myself to stay wedged between that rock and hard place - waiting for it to just start feeling better instead of doing something about my situation? I would not be here. Literally. I would not be sitting at this computer writing this blog to you. Because i'd still be there - in that chair in a different city being miserable about several different situations in my life.
We have to open ourselves up to the danger of change. Let it consume us, let it reveal itself to us over time without us shoving it forward on our own paths or at our own speed.
It's like a train that you have to jump on - wind in your face, off to a new place. Or else you get left behind.
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