Time

I'm having one of those weeks where I know I have a lot to do - but I'm lacking the motivation to be proactive about it. So i've succumbed to doing a little bit of work, taking a break and then doing more work, break, etc.

This is obviously one of my "break" moments.

As i was talking to my bf on the way home from the gym last nite - he was at work and he sounded so depressed. He told me how he was so bored at work and how nothing was ever challenging. I told him i felt the exact opposite a lot of the time. With my job - everything is a challenge. Everything takes 10 times longer than it should and sometimes its all so overwhelming that i just go into burnt out/breeze freeze mode for a few days until i can muster up enough energy to start digging into it again.

I'm hoping to feel better after I work out at lunch. I'm hoping that will wake me up and i'll have some new spunky feeling about how to make progress on some of my projects.

On another note - I went to visit my sister after the gym yesterday as she was starting to paint her kitchen in her new house. I couldn't see the whole house yet because they are still working on the hardwoods so you can't walk on them. But it was super exciting to think of my sister owning a home and really calling the Carolinas home. it's weird to think that 10 years ago, i was the first one in my family to move out of state and try life outside of kentucky. And now, my sister and my parents live in the Carolinas.

I'm proud of her for being responsible enough to buy a house. Its strange what things my sister beats me to the punch on. But on this one, i don't mind so much as my plans are pretty laid out for me at this point and they don't really require me to purchase a house on my own any time soon.

Its strange to see your little sister as an adult. Sometimes i still think of us fighting over who gets to use the phone line when we were tweens, or how we were strangers when I was away at college. I'm so glad that we've moved past that point now - and i can be a part of her life now that we are adults without the constant yelling or silence that we grew up with. Amazing how time changes things, and changes people.

Whew. Now if only time would speed up so it was 5pm and i could go home!

You Never Know What's Coming For You

So yesterday my bf and i finally watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I had wanted to see it in the theater but my bf has a hard time sitting still for a regular length movie - so i figured i'd see it via netflix. So he finally got it and we made time to watch it yesterday. I have to say this was probably the saddest movie i have seen in a long time.

I could NOT stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks about 3/4 of the way through. And every time i thought i had pulled it together - nope, here they come again. I'm not much of a "cry in front of you" person. And i definitely haven't cried in situations other than a sad movie with my bf. I just don't like to cry in front of people. That's something i do in private people.

So i was in serious pain trying to keep myself from an all out sobfest yesterday. You know that feeling where you are flexing every muscle in your face and somehow your throat too to keep from crying outloud? It was weird - sometimes i think when i see a sad movie and i let myself get involved emotionally - it just opens up the floodgates for me. And all of a sudden i'm crying about all the sad things that have ever happened to me or MIGHT happen to me in the future. lol

After the movie was over, i looked over at my guy and just said "that was the saddest movie ever" and he looked semi teary eyed too. And he gave me a hug and for whatever reason that made fresh tears happen. And he was like trying to comfort me and tell me that i shouldn't worry and we would "grow old together and not age in opposite ways" which was funny but instead of laughing it made me think about how terrible it must be to lose the person you love. Your significant other.

And of course, that made me cry more. And he, in response, probably was thinking i'm crazy. I did pull it together finally after he left to get me a tissue. I couldn't believe how sad that movie mad me.

I guess i just really identified on some weird level with it because for the first time in my life i have "the real deal" in the significant other category and have something to lose. Not that i haven't dated other people, but I just have never felt this overwhelming sense of sadness at the thought of them not being in my life forever. I mean - we all think we feel that way with first loves and dumb loves (as i like to label them). But this time, the feeling was different. And even though it hurt my heart (eyes and throat, too from refusing to sob outloud) - it makes me happy that i finally have someone that has the ability to make me feel that way.

It's just like one of the residents, Mrs. Maple says to Benjamin's: "Benjamin, we're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?"

Obviously, I don't want to ever lose anyone i love - but i'm really happy to say I already have an idea of how important a lot of the people in my life are. And that awareness makes me very blessed.

Creatures of Habit

I'd like to think that i'm a pretty interesting person. But the older I get - the more i realize that i am a creature of habit and that probably lessens the points on the interesting scale.

For example, i have been eating the same breakfast for 5 months. Like not just similar breakfast meals - but the exact same thing with the exception of the weekend when i rarely eat breakfast at all. But every Monday - Friday i eat 2 turkey sausages (they heat up in the microwave in 30 seconds) and 1 hardboiled egg.

I also have a cup of coffee every morning with my breakfast.

I also have developed a popcorn habit. Of course, i get the 94% fat free bags or something like that and i buy the i can't believe its not butter spray to trick myself into thinking i'm having movie-like popcorn. It's been my snack of choice for like - 2 months i'd say.

My bf and i make all of our meals on the weekend so we have everything cooked and portioned and ready to eat for lunch and dinner during the week. So we pick our meals in advance and everything we make - we have it twice. So again - if you see me eating a salad on Monday - you can bet big money that you'll see me eating the exact same thing the next day for lunch.

My bf makes it a priority to spread his meals out so he doesn't eat the same thing two days in a row. But not me, when i get stuff ready for the day i end up just taking both servings of my lunch to work with me and i'll eat them 2 days back to back.

I look back in my life and i realize that i form habits that will last up to about a year - and i will never complain or get tired of them. And then all of a sudden, i can't bear to have that dish any more. So last nite - as i was snacking on my delicious popcorn - it started tasting nasty to me.

I think that my popcorn snacking days are close to over. Which sucks because i still have some left. I anticipate it sitting in my cabinet until my lease is over.

I'm wondering how long the turkey sausage and eggs will last. I think i ate veggie burgers every day for lunch for a year once. I am so boring.

I wish i could be as quick to form a healthy habit like going to the gym everyday. I am basically forcing myself to go to the gym for at least 30 minutes as often as i can. My preference would be to get to the gym every day. But i have a semi-part time job and it makes it difficult to always have the time after work. So here's to forming a gym habit 4 times a week. This would be one habit i'd be happy to keep for the rest of my life. *sigh*