Well, for some reason i decided it would be a good idea to look up my exboyfriend from college on facebook. Something triggered it - I have a feeling it is my happiness that took me there. Made me curious. He was a good guy and I know that i made the right decision for both of us in ending the relationship - but i know i didn't do it the right way. I regret that.
I think i just wanted to make sure he's happy. We tried to be friends after we broke up. But i think for him it was more about waiting it out to see when i'd come back and for me i was really done. So whenever i would talk about going out and this and that - he would be angry when i wouldn't be around to talk. So we decided maybe we shouldn't talk for awhile. And now it's been almost 5 years and i'm pretty sure we'll never talk again. And that's okay. But you can't spend all of college dating someone, and living on the other side of the earth with someone and never think of them and wish them well.
So when facebook changed their privacy options - it opened up a small window of opportunity to see what once was hidden. So i looked at his facebook page and through a bit of detective skills figured out that he was with someone and he looked happy. And she looked happy and from the few interactions I saw it sounded like she meant it. Of course, this is all facebook message interpretation. But i was glad to see that he had found someone. It was funny because she didn't seem anything like me. That probably was a good thing.
Anyway, i guess seeking out the answer to my curiousity made me dream of him. I have dreamt of him before - and it's always the same type of dream. Everytime.
The dream is this (even though it is a difference sequence of events, or in a different place, etc everytime). I am in the same place as him again and he doesn't realize we've broken up and i've moved on. It's like i remember the events of the past 5 years, but he doesn't. And i have to go through that terrible break up all over again. Where i was so determined to not let myself be sweet talked back into the relationship that i was heartless and mean.
So last nights particular guilt fest was that we were moving back to New Zealand, and for some reason we were both going and he thought it was us going together again. So he kept trying to make plans for where we were going to live, what we were going to do, and i was trying to figure out a way to break it to him that i had moved on, that i wasn't going with him, it was just a weird coincidence that we both decided to go back. It was so frustrating and maddening. I hate when i have dreams like that.
*sigh*
I guess curiousity does kill the cat.
I think i just wanted to make sure he's happy. We tried to be friends after we broke up. But i think for him it was more about waiting it out to see when i'd come back and for me i was really done. So whenever i would talk about going out and this and that - he would be angry when i wouldn't be around to talk. So we decided maybe we shouldn't talk for awhile. And now it's been almost 5 years and i'm pretty sure we'll never talk again. And that's okay. But you can't spend all of college dating someone, and living on the other side of the earth with someone and never think of them and wish them well.
So when facebook changed their privacy options - it opened up a small window of opportunity to see what once was hidden. So i looked at his facebook page and through a bit of detective skills figured out that he was with someone and he looked happy. And she looked happy and from the few interactions I saw it sounded like she meant it. Of course, this is all facebook message interpretation. But i was glad to see that he had found someone. It was funny because she didn't seem anything like me. That probably was a good thing.
Anyway, i guess seeking out the answer to my curiousity made me dream of him. I have dreamt of him before - and it's always the same type of dream. Everytime.
The dream is this (even though it is a difference sequence of events, or in a different place, etc everytime). I am in the same place as him again and he doesn't realize we've broken up and i've moved on. It's like i remember the events of the past 5 years, but he doesn't. And i have to go through that terrible break up all over again. Where i was so determined to not let myself be sweet talked back into the relationship that i was heartless and mean.
So last nights particular guilt fest was that we were moving back to New Zealand, and for some reason we were both going and he thought it was us going together again. So he kept trying to make plans for where we were going to live, what we were going to do, and i was trying to figure out a way to break it to him that i had moved on, that i wasn't going with him, it was just a weird coincidence that we both decided to go back. It was so frustrating and maddening. I hate when i have dreams like that.
*sigh*
I guess curiousity does kill the cat.
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