I'm not really sure why I bother with blogging. It definitely is like writing a letter and never mailing it. Which i have done many a time in my life. I used to belong to another blog community and i felt like i found like minded people there and it was nice to feel like someone out there was reading this. This site seems a little lonely. I know it's mostly because i don't have time to really add more people to my reading list - or comment. I miss my old blog world - but i'm just not sure going back would be the same.
So much has changed, and time has passed. People move on. I miss quiet nites where i could be alone with my thoughts and give the space and time for a really great blog entry to surface. Things feel crowded in the evenings now - like there is never enough time to get things accomplished. A race to see how many things can be checked off a list. It makes me tired. It's sad that i have to be downright sick to allow myself a day of laying around watching old movies and dozing off.
I'm torn between wanting to be the non-stop person, always on to the next thing. Planning out my days, checking my calendar to make sure nothing is already planned. Turning down offers to hang out last minute because i've been booked for awhile. It all feels very rehearsed. I went from no schedule whatsoever to being totally and completely scheduled. I think my work format has started to transfer over to my life outside of work - and honestly, as much as i LOVE my blackberry - it is probably due to my phone that i feel such a need to be scheduled.
Or maybe this is just life. And as we grow up - our ability to be spontaneous dims.
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I always read :) But I know that probably isn't enough to be much motivation...I guess we've flip-flopped, because I never got that much out of Xanga. I think I just grew up a bit in my writing, and was more about to write ABOUT things rather than just report on my day like I did before. I dunno--I think its just what you put into it, and I know you're really busy to invest much time in it! I found like 5 or 6 blogs I read and comment on, and they mine, but I can't really reach out to many more than that unless I LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteTo me, it's like reading a book. I know that sounds weird, but it's like reading stories in short spurts since I never seem to be able to have time to read actual books anymore. So it's my way of of having that outlet.