A Mash Up

This blog started as a sort of "reset" button from my last blog. I blogged fairly consistently between the age of 23-26 i think, and then i took a long break because everytime i'd go back to my blog site, I would end up reading past entries and it was during a really painful part of my life.

So i thought starting a new blog would be a good idea. Somewhere that i could be someone new. I find that this particular blogspace is sort of lonely. Not quite the community that my last one was, but perhaps that is my own fault of not reaching out more. I blog more consistently on facebook through the "notes" feature, but i tend to blog more there about fitness, nutrition, working out and my journey with all that. At one point i was posting that facebook blog on here as well...and then i just sort of stopped that and started using this blog again for "all those other thoughts."

But i guess, in a way - that is what a blog is for. Just whatever is going on for you in that moment. When you find a few minutes and you take hold of a thought and just have to write it down. Sometimes i wish i had a voice recorder on me at all times so i could hold on to an awesome phrase or thought i have while i'm walking to my car, or running. So many times i lose them before i have a moment to put them "on paper."

Today i'm thinking about how many rivers of thought i have going on in my mind right now. I'm thinking about teaching Turbo on Thursday and if people really like my class or not, I'm thinking about whether we're going to get our wedding favors delivered today and if i will like them. I'm thinking about the big project from the summer for work that is still not done. I'm thinking about my friends who also have a lot going on and how some of them are talking to me about it, and some of them arent...and i wonder what that means.

I'm also thinking about the next 10 pounds that i want to try and lose, and how i shouldn't really be too focused on it because i'm getting married in less than 3 weeks and i have enough to worry about. I'm also thinking about the 4 page wedding agenda i drafted yesterday and how much more i have left to do and how hard it is for me to let go of any of it and let someone else help me. Sometimes it's easier to do it yourself than to explain how to do it to someone else.

I'm thinking about how far away from God i feel sometimes, and i wonder if he misses me, too. And i wonder if he'll be as happy with who i've become as he was when i was so close to him growing up?

I'm thinking about the secrets that humans keep because we love each other. And i wonder if that's really all that healthy or just our way of not wanting to deal with other peoples opinions?

In the end - the title of this blog is perfect. My head is just like a big Mash Up right now - and i just needed to get a few spuds of it out so i could breathe a little. I'm feeling overwhelmed and at the same time, I feel nothing at all. Isn't that weird?