I'm in a good place in my life right now. For whatever reason, whenever I go to the dentist, i take time to recount the last 6 months of my life since I follow the guideline of going once every 6 months for a check up. So whenever i go to the dentist, i think about where i was in my life last time i was there....and when I leave the dentist i think about what may be going on in my life upon my next visit (April 30, 2012).
So today as I was in the chair getting lectured about how i should floss more regularly (I know, i KNOW!) I started thinking about how 2 visits ago, it was the week of my wedding. And i remember thinking during that visit...by the time i come back, I'll be married. When I made my appointment for this time around I was thinking...wow, when i come back - I will have already celebrated my 1 year anniversary.
So today, I went and thought about what has happened in my life since my last visit and what may happen between now and April 2012. It's funny how 6 months seems so far away and full of possibility, but it feels like just yesterday I was at the dentist reminding the hygienist that my teeth are sensitive and to not put cold water directly on them (I prefer the spray my tongue and i'll swish it method, personally).
I wonder - what will I be doing? I will probably be knee dip in internship paperwork, wrapping up my internship class, finalizing another years worth of reports at work. Making summer plans. I will have already gone on my late anniversary trip to Mexico with my husband. I will be preparing myself for turning 31. Will other things be going on in my life?
And for some reason, all these thoughts about the future made me think of a past that is so far back that I don't know how i still remember the details. It should just be a distant memory with nothing real to hang on to...and I'm so beyond the point of wanting my life to be different, but you ever have just one of those totally unanswered questions in your life? And no matter how happy you are, how good things are going - you just can't help but want an answer?
That's sort of what happens to me every time I let my mind wander too far into the past. And it's dumb, and i get irritated at myself and think it really doesn't matter. Because honestly, knowing an answer wouldn't make me want to change anything in my life now. It would just put to rest some very ancient ghosts that like to sneak up on me every now and again. And that WOULD be nice. *sigh*
On a semi-unrelated note....
I annoy myself sometimes with my crazy internal goings-on. We did this MBTI training thing at work recently...and I'm VERY interested in this stuff...personality type, etc. and how it impacts how you perceive others, make decisions, etc. And i'm starting to realize (or maybe just starting to accept) that I am an Introvert vs. Extrovert. I was forced (okay probably more self imposed) to be an extrovert and i've learned it so well that I've even tricked myself.
But when i go through these phases of such internal thoughts and processing - I realize more and more that maybe i am an Introvert...and even though it sounds like a nasty word, maybe it's not such a bad thing.
And just the fact that i'm journal-ing about these thoughts instead of just talking to someone about them....just reaffirms all this. The MBTI trainer said that we are born with our MBTI type...and it's really just more of us getting to a place where we are clear on who we are. Sort of a "you can run but you can't hide" thing. I'm starting to be open to this idea that maybe I am more in line with the introvert way of doing things. Maybe i do it already and everyone else knows, and I'm just now getting the memo. It's hard learning something new about yourself late in the game. But I guess it just goes to show that life is a journey and figuring yourself out is just part of the process.
Here's to more happy thoughts at the dentist and self reflection!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Team Facebook - The Secret Support System
I realized something this past weekend, and I wanted to share it with you!
We all use facebook for different reasons, some of us post funny quips, meaningful quotes..or random tid bits about our day. Others use it to "check in" and to tell others to "check it out" and some people are actually using it to check others out. But we all are participating in one way, shape or form in this enormous community. I realized this weekend when I went to an alumni event at Queens University of Charlotte that I may have gotten to know some of these people better after we graduated than during our time together in school. I see their face and it's not like "oh my god! It's been forever you've changed so much!" It's more like - "Oh hey there, is that the dress you were talking about getting for such at deal at Nordstrom Rack last week on FB?"
You know it's happened to you before. You realize that people that may not be in your "in person" circle are still very much in tune with what's happening in your life. I had about 4 people congratulate me on my 35 mile bike ride at this alumni event on Saturday. People who I absolutely know, and are my facebook friends, but people that i don't talk with "in person" on a regular basis. It was actually a pretty amazing feeling - knowing that so many people are on your team - even when you don't realize it.
That was my big realization - that our support system extends far beyond our in person community. It runs beyond blood relations. People are cheering you on from across the city, across the state, the country and even the globe. How many times have you seen someone's facebook status and sent them well wishes, or prayed a quick prayer for them and never sent anything to them at all? How many of you have read someone's status or seen a pic and thought "man, good for them!" but never actually sent the message?
All this unspoken support is happening around us - and sometimes we forget that in today's world - we are never alone. We are never stepping up to the plate without people in the bleachers cheering us on. We are never crying tears without someone, somewhere, wishing they could make us feel better. This act of living "online" and sharing in this community we call Facebook, Twitter, Google+, whatever you use - it's like a big and totally unplanned extended family. And that "cousin" whom you've never met may very well be following your life story and wishing you well every step of the way.
Some people might think this level of sharing and community is too much - too personal, too intrusive. But I think it's a wonderful opportunity to connect with people outside of those we might physically see every day. A great chance to connect on a different level with someone who doesn't live on your street or even in your town. The perfect way to feel like no matter what you do - you are doing it with potentially hundreds of people sending good thoughts.
I love this sense of community and outreach. I love that when I'm having a good day or a bad day that I can look here and find some encouragement from someone i didn't know was following my story. I don't find it weird or strange, I find it refreshing that we can still take a few moments in our day to really CONNECT to others, and to show that we care what's happening in their lives. It's what makes us good people, I think.
So for all those that I may have been secretly cheering on from the sidelines, I will try to do a better job of letting you know I'm happy for you, or proud of you, or wishing the best for you. Because it makes you feel special when someone reaches out - and everyone deserves that. So thanks, team Facebook, for being sorta kinda like a family to me during some of my crazy journey's I've posted here. It's good to know....you've got a friend.
We all use facebook for different reasons, some of us post funny quips, meaningful quotes..or random tid bits about our day. Others use it to "check in" and to tell others to "check it out" and some people are actually using it to check others out. But we all are participating in one way, shape or form in this enormous community. I realized this weekend when I went to an alumni event at Queens University of Charlotte that I may have gotten to know some of these people better after we graduated than during our time together in school. I see their face and it's not like "oh my god! It's been forever you've changed so much!" It's more like - "Oh hey there, is that the dress you were talking about getting for such at deal at Nordstrom Rack last week on FB?"
You know it's happened to you before. You realize that people that may not be in your "in person" circle are still very much in tune with what's happening in your life. I had about 4 people congratulate me on my 35 mile bike ride at this alumni event on Saturday. People who I absolutely know, and are my facebook friends, but people that i don't talk with "in person" on a regular basis. It was actually a pretty amazing feeling - knowing that so many people are on your team - even when you don't realize it.
That was my big realization - that our support system extends far beyond our in person community. It runs beyond blood relations. People are cheering you on from across the city, across the state, the country and even the globe. How many times have you seen someone's facebook status and sent them well wishes, or prayed a quick prayer for them and never sent anything to them at all? How many of you have read someone's status or seen a pic and thought "man, good for them!" but never actually sent the message?
All this unspoken support is happening around us - and sometimes we forget that in today's world - we are never alone. We are never stepping up to the plate without people in the bleachers cheering us on. We are never crying tears without someone, somewhere, wishing they could make us feel better. This act of living "online" and sharing in this community we call Facebook, Twitter, Google+, whatever you use - it's like a big and totally unplanned extended family. And that "cousin" whom you've never met may very well be following your life story and wishing you well every step of the way.
Some people might think this level of sharing and community is too much - too personal, too intrusive. But I think it's a wonderful opportunity to connect with people outside of those we might physically see every day. A great chance to connect on a different level with someone who doesn't live on your street or even in your town. The perfect way to feel like no matter what you do - you are doing it with potentially hundreds of people sending good thoughts.
I love this sense of community and outreach. I love that when I'm having a good day or a bad day that I can look here and find some encouragement from someone i didn't know was following my story. I don't find it weird or strange, I find it refreshing that we can still take a few moments in our day to really CONNECT to others, and to show that we care what's happening in their lives. It's what makes us good people, I think.
So for all those that I may have been secretly cheering on from the sidelines, I will try to do a better job of letting you know I'm happy for you, or proud of you, or wishing the best for you. Because it makes you feel special when someone reaches out - and everyone deserves that. So thanks, team Facebook, for being sorta kinda like a family to me during some of my crazy journey's I've posted here. It's good to know....you've got a friend.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
One of those days
I get like this at least once every summer. You know - that panicky..."I have so much to do but CANNOT for the life of me get motivated to do something about it" feeling? I was able to keep this feeling at bay for a little while due to a big project at work that was unexpected, challenging, and gave me the ability to dig in to it and just chip away at it. But i've finished the bulk of it, and now reality is sinking in that instead of using the summer to work on all the normal projects (like getting ready for fall semester) - i used it to work on this other project...so I'm way behind.
Alas, i've used my creative energy on this other project, and I'm just feeling uninspired. *sigh* I know, whoa is me.
I heard of the Bob & Sheri morning show this morning that studies have shown that "sleepy people" are more likely to spend their time blaming others. I would consider myself a sleepy person these days. I don't really feel like doing anything, i feel boring. I feel fat. I would rather just curl up into a corner and read sometimes as opposed to going out and doing "stuff." But I'm not blaming anyone for feeling this way, I am disproving all the research by saying "I blame myself!"
That makes me sound terrible. Again - refer to the subject of this blog. Just one of those days. I have high hopes that tomorrow will be a new day. One that the sunshine through the window makes me happy that it's summer instead of feeling like a blinding heat keeping me indoors. A day where appointments make me happy because it's the chance to meet with someone new, and not a meeting to get through.
Tomorrow, I'm sure i will be more interesting, less fat, and rested. Oh tomorrow, you're only a day away.
Alas, i've used my creative energy on this other project, and I'm just feeling uninspired. *sigh* I know, whoa is me.
I heard of the Bob & Sheri morning show this morning that studies have shown that "sleepy people" are more likely to spend their time blaming others. I would consider myself a sleepy person these days. I don't really feel like doing anything, i feel boring. I feel fat. I would rather just curl up into a corner and read sometimes as opposed to going out and doing "stuff." But I'm not blaming anyone for feeling this way, I am disproving all the research by saying "I blame myself!"
That makes me sound terrible. Again - refer to the subject of this blog. Just one of those days. I have high hopes that tomorrow will be a new day. One that the sunshine through the window makes me happy that it's summer instead of feeling like a blinding heat keeping me indoors. A day where appointments make me happy because it's the chance to meet with someone new, and not a meeting to get through.
Tomorrow, I'm sure i will be more interesting, less fat, and rested. Oh tomorrow, you're only a day away.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
No Rest for the Weary
I'm feeling a bit weary. Work is busy, my work out schedule is busy, my mind is busy with other things.
And still - I find time to write about how busy i am, classic, i know.
I have a lot going on for me right now that I can't share here. Even though with the small group of followers i have, it's not a very public forum. But still, it's just not the right outlet for everything that is going on. And i guess it's that part of what i'm not sharing that has stressed me out the most lately.
It comes in waves, and sometimes it doesn't seem to matter, and other times it drives me crazy. I'm just sort of tired, and this week made it apparent that I still have an issue with bottling up how i feel until it has no other option but to explode.
I'd really enjoy a long nap right about now. But i am proud to say that despite being tired, I'm sticking to my triathlon training. Today was my long swim day - I absolutely couldn't get up this morning to work out before work, most likely because i didn't get home from work/working out/teaching class until 9pm last night. So i made sure i had time to swim during lunch.
I'm super proud of myself for making it happen regardless. I had to swim for 24 minutes today. When i think of walking for 24 minutes, or being on the elliptical for 24 minutes, i wouldn't bat an eye at that. But man...running or swimming for 24 minutes is challenging!
I'm still not an awesome swimmer, so i'm working on my form. I keep watching other people swim - they probably think i'm a stalker, but really i'm just watching other peoples form. How do i move faster? How do i not suck in water every other breath, should my neck hurt? All these questions. I guess i will figure it out as i go. I have until May before my first race happens with a swim. The 2 races i plan to do this summer are actually both less distance swims than what my training program is prepping me for. I hope that means i'll be MORE than physically prepared come race day.
I haven't been able to keep up with the running portion of my tri training. I'm still working with a sprained calf muscle (or so my doc says it's sprained). But with teaching TurboKick once a week and my other training - i figure once the strain heals I can catch up on the running since i know i'm capable.
It's just hard when your leg feels like its going to fall off if you keep running. I wonder what happened to hurt my leg so badly? I feel like it showed up out of nowhere. I'm hoping it disappears as quickly....but it's been several months and no luck. I guess i'm just not willing to stop working out completely because then it's truly like starting from scratch and i've worked too hard to do that.
So I'll just keep on keeping one. Even though everything is perfect right now, I'm working hard to be better in all areas of my life. And i can feel good about that, even on a bad day.
And still - I find time to write about how busy i am, classic, i know.
I have a lot going on for me right now that I can't share here. Even though with the small group of followers i have, it's not a very public forum. But still, it's just not the right outlet for everything that is going on. And i guess it's that part of what i'm not sharing that has stressed me out the most lately.
It comes in waves, and sometimes it doesn't seem to matter, and other times it drives me crazy. I'm just sort of tired, and this week made it apparent that I still have an issue with bottling up how i feel until it has no other option but to explode.
I'd really enjoy a long nap right about now. But i am proud to say that despite being tired, I'm sticking to my triathlon training. Today was my long swim day - I absolutely couldn't get up this morning to work out before work, most likely because i didn't get home from work/working out/teaching class until 9pm last night. So i made sure i had time to swim during lunch.
I'm super proud of myself for making it happen regardless. I had to swim for 24 minutes today. When i think of walking for 24 minutes, or being on the elliptical for 24 minutes, i wouldn't bat an eye at that. But man...running or swimming for 24 minutes is challenging!
I'm still not an awesome swimmer, so i'm working on my form. I keep watching other people swim - they probably think i'm a stalker, but really i'm just watching other peoples form. How do i move faster? How do i not suck in water every other breath, should my neck hurt? All these questions. I guess i will figure it out as i go. I have until May before my first race happens with a swim. The 2 races i plan to do this summer are actually both less distance swims than what my training program is prepping me for. I hope that means i'll be MORE than physically prepared come race day.
I haven't been able to keep up with the running portion of my tri training. I'm still working with a sprained calf muscle (or so my doc says it's sprained). But with teaching TurboKick once a week and my other training - i figure once the strain heals I can catch up on the running since i know i'm capable.
It's just hard when your leg feels like its going to fall off if you keep running. I wonder what happened to hurt my leg so badly? I feel like it showed up out of nowhere. I'm hoping it disappears as quickly....but it's been several months and no luck. I guess i'm just not willing to stop working out completely because then it's truly like starting from scratch and i've worked too hard to do that.
So I'll just keep on keeping one. Even though everything is perfect right now, I'm working hard to be better in all areas of my life. And i can feel good about that, even on a bad day.
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